Meridith Green’s Finding aMERIca: “…But what if I fall? … But what if you fly?”

“…But what if I fall? … But what if you fly?”

image       One of the hardest things you can do in life is to recognize that it’s time to let go of something that meant so much to you. We spend so much of our lives looking for where we fit in, finding like-minded people or people who stimulate and entertain us. Once we’ve found what we believe is our place we grow comfortable and we settle in, hoping that we won’t have to (metaphorically) pack up and move somewhere new.

But in reality, over the course of a lifetime, people change. What we want, need and accept changes and when those things change often times our situation will have to change as well. It’s not the changing of our personalities or our desires or what we will accept that is scary; it’s not those things that keep people from embracing change, it’s the fear of not finding that comfort and the feeling of acceptance somewhere new. There’s a quote that goes something like this, “the reason that people are afraid to let go of something is because they don’t believe that something so wonderful can happen twice.”  I have to believe that whether we admit it or not that more than half of us can apply this to an area in our lives.

Whether it’s a relationship that you’ve exhausted, a home you’ve outgrown or a job that you no longer find satisfying the idea of seeking, finding and securing the “new” is overwhelming. In fact it is so overwhelming that many people do not seek, they stay where they are and they make due with what they have and how they feel. They settle. The problem with this is that when you fail to move forward or to take the chance to find a new home, to find a more complete love or more satisfying job you fail to live your life to it’s fullest potential, you fail to Live and Love and Learn with a capital “L”.

There will surely be failures in the search and undoubtedly there will be nights when you wonder why you just couldn’t be happy where you were but in the end we all have to believe that our hearts true content CAN be found out there in the scary unknown.

I speak from experience when I say that one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done is admit, after trying like hell to fix things, that I needed more and that I deserved more. There have been many a night that I have tossed and turned trying to will myself to be happy with the status-quo but anyone who knows me also knows that I can go with the flow for a while but eventually my heart is going to demand to be heard and followed. This isn’t to say that I think every decision I’ve made was a wise one, quite the contrary, but what I have learned through those poor outcomes is that a mistake is not going to be the end of me; a mistake is not going to steal the smile from my face or the hope I have for my (hopefully) many tomorrows.

I’m lucky to surround myself with people who truly care for me and believe that I am special. One example is a couple that I see every week. They always, without fail, say something along the lines of how my presence is uplifting, my personality is welcoming, my smile is infectious and they’ve said that wherever I wind up and whomever I wind up with that they know that it’s going to be wonderful because I am special. The best part is that these people aren’t even my family, well I suppose they are now, by proxy.  And as an aside let me say this; never doubt the power of a kind word. Even someone who appears to be so happy and well-adjusted can use a kind word when it’s spoken from the heart and in truth.

One of the reasons that I write this blog is because I find it so calming and helpful to my heart and soul to share my happy times and sad times, my joy and my heartbreak. There something cathartic about exposing the raw truth for everyone to see, it’s like by allowing my vulnerabilities to be seen I am allowing the healing to begin. I have always been an open book as most people can tell you. I say what I’m thinking, I share what I’m going through and I do so without embarrassment or regret.

So a day that started chilly and overcast has turned warm and sunny much like my mood has gone from sadness and angst to hopeful and secure. I had to take a long hard look at my life and determine what exactly it was that I Needed versus what I Wanted. I had to look inside myself, past the fear, hurt and hope to see what it was that would make me feel like I am living my best and most truthful life. In the end I was able to figure it out, perhaps a little too late, but now I know, for tomorrow.

I may sound like I’m so sure, like I’ve suddenly figured it all out, but I’m sure there will be waves that come and go over the next few hours or days where I curse myself for needing to be so true to my heart for believing that I am worth more than the easy route. But that being said, I know that I will navigate those peaks and valleys with the help of the one thing that has never left me, the trust I have in myself to make the best kind of mistakes there are ~ the ones that teach me to fly.